Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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