its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Boobs speak an international language.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
