We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
