His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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