stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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