"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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