I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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