So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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