It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
