He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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