Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
