dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
