we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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