I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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