and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
