Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize