Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
