respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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