I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
