Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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