I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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