I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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