New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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