Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
