Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
