I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My vagina just recognized that song.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
