dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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