So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
