lets start a swedish sibling band together
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
