Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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