and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
