your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
