omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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