Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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