I hate your face
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
