Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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