I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
