I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
this boner is exhausting
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
