We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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