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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
