make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
