I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
