this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
