Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
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It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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