Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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