I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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