Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
