Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
