Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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