So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
