My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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