gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
