i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
