Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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