Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
