dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
