i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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