omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
