I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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