you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
