on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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