Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
why do cheetos always look like penises
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
