I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
