So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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