Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
