u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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