Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
